What I won't do for a buck

To prevent myself from eating Ramen noodles I have found it necessary that I must keep a job of some sorts, the one I picked or rather the one that was chosen for me is really not in my best interests and oh I am being so serious. This is what I do, I stand around, pour wine for people who really don't care about the wine at all, smile when I really don't want to, stand around, talk to people in grocery stores, try not to laugh when people act like they're drunk off the ounce of wine I have poured them, try not to be irritated when people think it's my fault that seventeen dollars is a lot to pay for a bottle of wine (it's a good thing I kept them away from the seventy dollar bottles that I would drink if I had the money) and then I do some more standing around. Occasionally I talk on my cell phone and irritate people but what's a girl to do when she's tired and bored and really not cut out to be the free sample lady of the liquor kingdom? I bet no one's noticed that I really, really don't like what I do, but I do it anyways like most people that hate their jobs. The perks, I get a lot of free booze. I keep telling myself that it's going to be over soon but how does that help you in the moment, any advice on that anyone? How do you get through the minutes and the hours and the days? Like today, there was no one in the store, no one. So dead you could bowl down the aisles, I probably should have. I served nine samples in a four hour period, the goal is two hundred. There was just no one there and nothing could be done about it. But to me it was so extremely frustrating cause I felt to trapped because it's just so something that is just so not me. So I wrote a two page complaint to the company to fill my time and hopefully that will alleviate myself from feeling like I wasted time, probably not since I have to go do it again tomorrow but it was worth a shot I suppose. Anyways, I have complained way too much about this. I feel as if all I do is complain, complain, complain yet I cannot seem to stop it. It's as if no matter how hard I try the negativity wins out and I am just taken over by this big black cloud and I hate it. I can't seem to bring myself over the line between writing about my true feelings and living that bubble gum existence and I'm scared that I may be wrong because of that. I fear that there may be something wrong with me because I have these feelings and because I'm willing to show them. I don't really know, all I know is today I was frustrated and when I write I write deep and it usually cuts to the core and that leaves me a little unsettled and a little unsure as to how to deal with myself. Maybe I'm just not a simple person because I just cannot stop analyzing myself and everything around me and I would love to stop but I just cannot do it. I really wish I knew if this was good or bad, maybe that's not possible to know right now I wish I could stop writing but the words just keep coming and coming and it's like I'm being pushed to just let it out. Maybe I just need to learn how I work, maybe we all just need to learn how we work. This probably is not interesting to anyone else but me, I don't really know if it is even interesting to me, but it's real and to me that's what matters, being real.