Sunday, July 8, 2007
Sunday, June 24, 2007
In the last twenty four hours I've felt my emotions rise and drop more times than I care to count and the numbers are still rising. Old friends, new friends, nostalgia, throw some liquor and some chinese food on top of all that and you've got me whimpering in my sleep. Yeah, I'm overloaded, I can go from point a to b to z and back to b again and again. But I can never seem to find the point that I know in my heart is right for me.I know what I need but I seem to be lost in a web of could haves and would haves and should haves. What would have happened if I hadn't said this to this person on this certain day on this certain time and would I be sitting here right now at all? I can't live with the reality that I have created for myself and the path I need to forge for myself seems to tricky to navigate right now so I'm laying in wait. But I can't do that much longer. Prince Charming isn't coming and I don't have a glass slipper, I've realized my fate is my own and at some point very soon time is going to catch up to me and I am going to have to own my actions and more importantly my feelings. I'm lost in transition, but not forgotten. I'll keep you posted.... Read more! Read more!
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Yesterday I wrote about coping techniques, i.e. my ever growing shoe collection. The latest addition to to the collection that threatens to take over my bedrom was a pair of jellies that cost me $2.50 at Target. There really is no relevance to me talking about jellies I'm just a tad bit curious if anyone else remembers them. Before I begin to ramble I am going to cut myself off and get to the point of my post, coping versus dealing or are they the same thing? Have I hit a good point yet?
You can cope with something in numerous ways, for me I shop or I cut my hair or dye it or in an extreme case of insanity I wind up with a tattoo or piercing because some guy that I was in love with has broken up with me and I feel it is necessary to mark something on my body, I make no claims to be normal. But how do we deal with things? I'm leaning towards the fact that coping and dealing are not the same.
In the matter of failed relationships coping seems to be the first step. Now ice cream and tequila come in handy at this stage, well not together of course. Then there is the infamous obligatory three am drunken text messaging session which usually follows the tequila. If you're lucky enough you have a best friend to pry the phone out of your feeble little hands. This is what I call coping, you can't deal with it so you cover it up with anything and everything possible, including that guys tongue that you just met at that sleazy bar Tuesday night.
Dealing, well that's different. I'm not real good with dealing cause dealing hurts much more. Coping is easy it's like putting a band aid on and forgetting about it, dealing is like ripping off he band aid and exposing that wound. Dealing is crying in the middle of the night when you realize there's no point in calling or texting anymore, when you realize that you are alone, that you're not going to get back together with this person, that you have to start over and most importantly that you're going to be ok.
I feel like I lost my point somewhere. I'm trying to understand the difference between dealing and coping myself and its not always easy. But I think its important.I hope I could shine some light on this topic for anyone else. Feedback would always be helpful.
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Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Yes, I know I said I would post yesterday. Now this probably doesn't mean a great deal to anyone else but me, but I guess I'm a bit sensitive. I feel the need to focus on my obsessions again which could be good or bad depending on how you look at it. Notice once again I'm showing a picture of a shoe. Well this time I have a point. I buy shoes for a reason, other than the obvious. I guess shopping has become my therapy, especially lately.
I've wound up with so many pairs of shoes simply because shopping eases my discomfort or pain when I can't cope with life. In a way it's probably healthier than a lot of addictions, but it's beginning to become rather costly. But what am I to do. Thing's just aren't turning out the way I expected and in turn I'm going broke.
I'm listening to the Greg Behrendt show as I write this and they are talking about how men and women communicate and it got me thinking about more than shoes. It got me thinking about how it can be so easy to break a relationship and so hard to make one. On top of that who's fault is it really, it's easy to place blame on one person and it's easy to take the blame but I don't know if that's really fair.
I'm exhausted over the whole process of trying to make a relationship work and I wonder if it's worth it. How long does a person try for before they give up, and how much can one person take? When it starts to become a personal attack against you is that too much to take? What are the boundaries, I really don't know. I feel as if I am being told I am the problem but still I feel hurt. On top of it I don't even know how to fight back, I want to know if other people have felt this way or if this is something exclusive to me, something tells me it's not. Confusion, I just don't understand anything at this point and somehow shoe shopping is helping me cope. I wish I could help someone else and be useful but I'm afraid I can't even help myself at this point.
Is communication that difficult, is there some sort of male/female barrier that makes it impossible? Or am I just stuck and don't know where to go? I hope I am making some sense. Thank you to anyone that reads this, I'm off to hopefully have a peaceful day. Take care everyone! Read more! Read more!
Monday, June 18, 2007
I took a bit of a hiatus, or something of the sort. I guess the obvious answer would be I got a bit busy and slacked a bit on the blog posting but this is my official "I'm back" post. I promise more content later in the day as soon as I figure out just what that content will be until then anyone reading this is left with, well, just this. I will be back. Read more! Read more!
Posted by Browneyedgurly at 6/18/2007
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
I know, I know and if you give a mouse a cookie he may just ask for a glass of milk. If he knew what was good for him he'd ask for a jack and coke, hold the coke. I'm feeling a bit rambunctious tonight does anyone want to throw that extra weight on there? Actually what I was really referring to was the temptation to begin to write about the drama of the celebrity world. I just got through reading the "heart wrenching" saga of Paris Hilton. Which I believe is turning into the longest running soap opera ever. Give me a break seriously. If I even began to start with my life story it would be a hell of a lot more interesting that her little sob story.
Point is I'm just a regular person, but what really is regular? When we are little kids and in school isn't the teacher always telling us that we are special? Aren't out mommies and daddy's telling us that we are special? Granted we aren't abused and we come from decent families. So why is it that when we become adults we have to put with this nonsense that there is a line drawn that seperates people from one another. I fear I am becoming a little idealistic with this post but bear with me. I'm also afraid the inner hippie in me is coming out and I may have to dig out the birkenstocks and tye dye t shirts.
Money is the bottom line, you know that, I know that. Paris Hilton sitting in her cell refusing to eat peas knows that. What do we do with it though? I've been bothered the las couple of days by the fact that there never is enough money, I really should be used to this, but I'm not, maybe I never will be. I don't want to famous, I don't want to be a celebrity. Truthfully, I don't think I even know what I want.
Money cannot buy happiness, it cannot buy love, but it sure can help. It sure cann manipulate and coerce and control people. It drives people, it moves people and it destroys people. Wanting and needing are two different things and I don't know if me or anyone else knows how to differentiate.
I guess that where I was going with all this is that I feel stuck because I don't have everything I want and I don't think its completely due to money or the lack thereof. I like to laugh when someone famous and with a lot of money gets stuck doing something that they can't stand because how many times would I have liked to have had the money to buy my way out of something instead of just having to bite the bullet. Or been able to have something I really wanted or give someone I love something they really wanted.
I don't think there's an answer that will make me happy so I do my best to suck it up and laugh once in awhile cause right its just money and fame and the thought of Paris Hilton in jail is way too good to pass up, way too good! Read more! Read more!