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Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Four Eyes Are Better Than Two But Are Two Hearts Better Than One?


I think that's how I feel right now, but it's kind of a silent scream, because if I really screamed like that, the neighbor's would not be happy. Well, maybe not it's almost ten o'clock in the morning, no they still wouldn't be happy. Sigh...I'm feeling a little bit lost today. I'm really not sure why. Although I'm wondering if I'm still beating around the bush like I was last night in my last post. I'm wondering if that fear still has me and it's gripping me in that silent scream. I'm looking at the terror in that woman's eyes, sometimes I see that reflected in me, but then I can't figure out what I'm really afraid of. There is nothing that scary, nothing that I can't handle and yet I just want to crawl under the covers and hide. Yet I have to be a big girl because that's what I am, yep, thats what I am. Wait, let me reassure myself again, thats what I am. One more time? No, I got it. See that was me talking to myself, convincing myself that it's ok. Sometimes it's stressful being me, but then I stop and think, it's probably stressful for everybody and why should I be the one thinking I've got it so hard. I really feel like that picture somedays, I really feel like that picture today. I feel as if I don't run from where I am, if I don't stop and scream this life will consume me. I don't like to write about relationships, I don't like to bring my personal life and lay it out on the table. But two hearts are they better than one? One can't hurt you, one can't deceive you, one can't lie to you, one can't manipulate you and one can't break on it's own. But can one survive on its own? I really don't know and I'll admit that I don't have a clue when it comes to this. I'm mixed up today and it's only ten o'clock, it's going to be a long day. I think I will add more later.

2 comments:

KnotGypsy said...

Screaming. Yeah, I can relate. I used to feel like screaming both from fear, and sometimes from rage.

So I used to go to Enchanted Rock, a huge granite head about a 2 hour drive outside of Austin. I would climb up on this granite rock and scream at the universe. No neighbors to get upset!

Browneyedgurly said...

And sometimes I just wanna scream just to hear myself scream I really don't know what to make of that, and that's another thing. I always have to make something of everything, everything has to have a reason and sometimes things don't. I have a hard time accepting that but I'm getting better. Wow, it's like I've become my own therapist!!

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