Part 1
I really don't know where I'm going with this, but I think it's ok. I don't know what people want to read, I don't know what people want to hear so I can only be myself. I suck at being me lately. I suck at being good lately, whatever being good means. I suck at being a friend, I suck at being a sister, I suck at being a daughter, I suck at being a girlfriend, I just feel kind of sucky to be blatantly honest. I forget to call people back, I don't show up where I'm supposed, I let mean comments slide because I don't know how to let my real feelings show. There I said it, I don't know what I'm doing really. I try to be better and it's just not good enough. What is good enough? Would someone tell me what is good enough? What is the magic dividing line where bad becomes good and I reach over the threshold and I'm in the shining light again? Someone please tell me because I can't figure it out on my own. This is all about starting over right? Well I've wiped the slate clean so many times I'm afraid it's starting to show some wear and tear. I wonder if I don't deserve to have my heart broken. I have more questions but I don't really have the heart to ask them right now.......
2 comments:
I can't stop reading your blog. I am caught up now. (I didn't read everything in order, so this is where I am ending up.) When I first saw your blog, I read the latest entry, left a comment, and bookmarked your blog.
BTW, thank you so much for signing my guestbook! It made may evening.
I just now got the time to get back to reading the rest of your blog. I had to keep reading, because I recognize so much of myself in your writing. The questioning, the angst over "being good enough", even some of the way you think and write. You use a turn of phrase "not so much". I am fond of that phrase, myself. I love animals, and I used to collect shoes! Maybe I will again one day, who knows?
Some of the things I recognize like the shoes, are now in my past, but the essence is still present. The more things change, the more they stay the same.
I would be delighted to continue to talk to you here on your blog, if you do not mind.
I welcome your comments and I would love to keep talking to you on my blog. I have TONS more to say and I really enjoy the feedback, I'll be adding more soon!
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