The Loudest Silence

Lackluster adj.lacking luster, brightness, or vitality, I think I could describe myself as that right about now. I woke up early this morning, earlier that usual. I woke up before the alarm clock went off which is out of character for me. So I did the unthinkable, I walked around my apartment, sipped on some tea and went back to bed.
The story goes like this. I slept, slept more than I ever thought I could after the series of events that played out last night. After the series of events that keep running through my head. The series of events that keep playing like some sort of film reel that I cannot shut off. I woke again to the alarm clock buzzing in my ear like a screaming reminder that I still exist. I do still exist but not in the same way as I did before.
Now I'm stumbling through a world I am unfamiliar with. The noises are the same, I can hear the radio buzzing in the background. The obnoxious sound of MTV still plays on my television set at volume that both comforts and upsets me. I can hear the jingle of my cats bells as the chase each other around and around and I hear the deafening silence of a phone that does not ring.
I drag myself through my routine pushing myself through the motions. My fingers do not want to move then again neither do my legs. The overwhelming feeling of guilt and sorrow crush me and I am left alone with a day filled with the comfort of strangers. How many times can I stumble and fall is the question on my mind.