Sometimes I Wonder If I'm A Valley Girl Without Her Valley

I am leaving the cave of my apartment for a few days to go on a bit of an adventure, which does mean prying myself away from this screen. I'd like to think I can get back to that place that I like to call the "real world" and no I don't mean the reality show. I've packed up my stuff and I'm headed off. I think a clearing of my head is in order. I'm starting to feel as if my life is in slow motion which I'm realizing as I write this is not the bad thing that I was thinking it was. Maybe it's just the lazy days of summer creeping up on me or maybe it's just me relaxing long enough to let myself breathe. Whatever it is I like it, it's as if I've finally cut myself a break and I can just be. I just hope this doesn't become the calm before the storm. I try to stay upbeat in my journal entries but sometimes my sarcasm just weasels its way in and I can't help myself so bear with me. Then again sometimes I can lose myself in a metaphor and I can't remember exactly where I was going to begin with anyways. I try to write things that other people would want to read, but then I remember that sometimes I have to write for me and if someone else finds it interesting they hey we both win. I don't really know if my life is interesting, I don't know if anyone's life is interesting, I've never idolized anyone, never, not in my whole life. I've never looked up to anyone, which as I write it I feel like it makes me look bad. As if I have no ideals, no goals, no ambitions. I just have always strived to be me and be who I am and to not be generic. Although one of my biggest fears is that I will become generic and I will be like everyone else because when you look at me I look just the same as anyone, but I think I'm not. I couldn't explain to you why I'm not and I really don't know why I'm sitting here writing about me. I could write about the war or AIDS or famine and poverty and trouble in the middle east but I write about me, just me. That makes me feel self centered and small and petty. Sometimes I don't know any better and sometimes I do. I feel I could do so much if I just knew how. Or if I just had the nerve to step over that imaginary line holding me back. Does anyone know that line I'm talking about? If I could just break out of this mold, if only.....if only.....